I Was Abused.

April 12, 2013 by · 2 Comments

 

 

 

This passage is in honor of child abuse awareness month. Please pray for healing for all who experience the tragedy of childhood abuse.  Child abuse is a cultural epidemic with life-long consequences. Child Abuse more common that one could ever think, and happens in all socio-economic backgrounds. Keep your eyes open, and report it if you see it. Please contact your local authorities if you suspect child abuse or domestic violence. 

 

 

 

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of overcoming it.” -Helen Keller

 

 

I was abused.

 

As a child, I had no vocabulary, or emotional understanding of what was going on in my environment. I was helpless, and secretive.

In fact, I never thought I would be anything but secretive.

 

My life was on track to becoming the best kept secret in the world. I went through my school years pretty much under the camouflage of not being noticed by many people. I didn’t want to get too close because people would notice that I was different, and ask me why. So, I stayed invisible. I put on a fake smile, and went about my life. 

 

I didn’t really know who I was because I was afraid to learn more about myself in fear of what I would uncover. However, I did know that I was a horrible person because of all the secrets that I kept, and the lies that I told to keep them safe.

 

Healing doesn’t flourish in a world of secrets. However, I still kept secrets. This protected me from having to deal with the consequences of abuse. It kept me right where the abusers wanted me. 

 

Eventually, secrets hurt me too much to keep locked inside. Secrets burned my bones, and I had to release them to heal. 

 

 

Most of my life, I carried shameful secrets that were not mine to carry. I blamed myself for every abuse that happened, even if it wasn’t my fault. I felt so hopeless. I felt like I was a horrible person to cause such harm to my life. I felt that if I were a better person then these horrible things wouldn’t have happened to me. I felt as though I instigated the abuse, and my behavior caused me so much pain. I didn’t understand why my abusers kept hurting me when I was trying so hard not to make them hurt me. I didn’t realize that what they did had very little to do with me. 

 

The only hope I had was Jesus, but I was even angry at Him for letting such bad things happen to me. He allowed my anger because He was my safe place. He knew I needed Him. So, instead of blaming the abusers, I would blame myself. Then, I would get so mad at Jesus I would wail in His arms while He comforted me. Jesus never let me down, even in my darkest moment. He was there for me. Even when I broke His heart. I can’t imagine how much pain I caused Him in my doubt, spirited anger, and pain. I’m thankful He never gave up on me. Oh, my friends…He is SO faithful. It brings chill bumps to think just how faithful. 

 

 

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The Gift of Fear

April 5, 2013 by · 5 Comments

 

 

 

 

Truth be told, my calling scares me. It’s so big. I’m so small, and seemingly insignificant.  I don’t see how God is going to make all of these visions of hope & longing happen for me. I don’t know how he’s going to use my talent. In fact, I have spent a large amount of my time wondering if I am really blessed with talent that God can use. I have learned along the way, that my fear controls me. In the end, I’m broken. I’m frail. I’m confused. I’m insecure. I’m hopeless at times. But, I’m not alone in being held captive by fear. Sadly, there are many of us who suffer from the same symptoms of a fear-filled life.

 

 
For the last few years, I have limited myself  because of fear of the unknown. Thankfully, God is starting to break me from my self-imposed limitations by forcing me to face my fears, and embrace my calling.

Less than a year and a half ago, I was in psych unit at a local hospital trying to make sense of my fear, and why I couldn’t get the images from a childhood of trauma out of my head. As many of my readers know, I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Many of us who have experienced trauma & have PTSD live in constant reminder of our past, and in fear of the unknown. Sadly, the treatment for PTSD is so rare, and so expensive that we just accept PTSD as a part of our life from now until we take our final breath. Thankfully, God blessed me with the resources that I need to beat this thing. Still, I have to drive 80 miles away for treatment because there are no qualified medical and mental health providers in my hometown that can treat PTSD.

 

Most of all, I have to trust God that I will be healed. That kind of blind faith is a rocky road to walk at times. 

It has taken me many years to trust God, and to trust that I’m not defined by abuse, neglect, lies told by others, or manipulation. Instead, I’m defined by grace, mercy, and a healing love that knows no boundaries. Despite all of the variables that were set in motion from an early age, I have no excuse to live small, and fearful. None what-so-ever!

PTSD, or no PTSD. Abuse, or no abuse. I serve a God that is bigger than my past. I serve a God that is bigger than my illness! (PRAISE JESUS!) 

 

 

The Gift of Fear

I have come to realize that if I rely on my own understanding, then, I will just talk myself into staying in the same small, comfy place without fully experiencing God’s goodness. Except, I’m never really comfortable staying in that small fear-filled place. In fact, I’m miserable because God set some wild longing in my heart so long ago, and if I don’t follow Him…I feel like I’m just existing. I don’t feel alive! 

 

The gift of fear calls us out of dark places. It calls us out of hiding, and into the light. 

 

While battling PTSD, I have had to learn to sit in my fear. While sitting uncomfortably in my fear, I have learned that maybe fear is not the enemy as much as fear is an indicator of where I need God’s love, and some fearless abandon. If I didn’t have fear, I wouldn’t fully know how to stretch out and relax in the arms of a peaceful Savior. Most of all, I wouldn’t know what hurts. Fear is not the enemy. Fear is the gift that I’m given to know what is important in my life; Fear tells me what needs to be healed. 

Filed Under: Bible Study, Life

The Trouble With “What If”

March 17, 2013 by · 4 Comments

 
 

 
 

She knew that love was messy, just like life. It took turns that people couldn’t foresee or even understand, leaving a long trail of regret in its wake. And almost always, those regrets led to the kinds of what if questions that could never be answered.

-Nicholas Sparks, from “The Best of Me”

 

 

 

 

I have 1,000′s of “What If” questions…

 

What if…my childhood could have been different? 

 

What if…my father hadn’t passed away when I was 24, and my sister was 15?

 

What if…I would have married my husband before I was 28?

 

What if…I would have finished my undergraduate degree two years earlier?

 

What if…I could have avoided the 10,000 heartaches that brought me to this point in my life?

 

{Believe me, this list could go on forever, but I have to stop here for the sake of my sanity (and your own).}

 

 

As you can see from the list above, I tend to ponder. Sometimes, more than I should. But, mostly, what gets me into the most trouble is pondering “what if” in past tense–as if I had the power to change the past. 

During my marathon sessions of cognition, I’m either planning my future, or longing to change a past I am powerless to change. I wish I could claim that I ponder the former more than the later, but I am ashamed to admit that I’m not THAT optimistic. Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m the biggest self-proclaimed optimistic idealist out there. Yet, I still long to travel back in time, and revisit the initial woundings in life…then, eliminate them.

When I dig so deep into my soul that I find the origin of my hurts (and even my annoyances) my first fleshly reaction is not to see how God worked in a mighty way to heal my life…instead, I want to change the outcome. During these times, it’s not enough to be healed. I wish I could take a giant magic eraser and blot out many events which transpired early my life that have caused so much misery. Preventing those events would be so much easier than having to process the memories, deal with the fallout, remove the poison, and heal the wounds. Essentially, I want the easy way out that leaves behind no scaring. 

 

The trouble with a what if question is that it distorts God’s love for us. During this whole process of pondering what might have been, we waste our energy thinking about the impossible when we could be focused on God’s goodness. 

 

I know that I do this “what if” dance so much that I forget the blessings that have been poured out over my wounds while Jesus Christ himself binded my broken life, and made me whole again. As much as my thoughts get in the way of healing, in the end, I secretly wouldn’t change a thing about my past because even through the valleys, I’ve been able to find a blessing. If it were not for darkness, I would not know what is is like to live in the light. Now, that doesn’t stop me from occasionally throwing a big ‘ole kicking & screaming pity party. Still, when all of the tears have dried…the outcome would be the same.

 

Filed Under: Bible Study, Blogging, Life

Salsa Fresca

March 10, 2013 by · 1 Comment

 

 

 

I made this recipe tonight for a church small group. It was so easy that I decided to put it on my blog.

If you’re looking for a great year round fresh salsa, this is it! :)

I can’t wait to blog for y’all this week!

Love you all!

 

 
In His Love,

 

 

 

 

 

Salsa Fresca
This salsa recipe is awesome! You can also find the ingredients in the winter or summer! So, it's always possible to make a wonderful, fresh salsa! :)
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Prep Time
10 min
Prep Time
10 min
Ingredients
One can 14 oz can of diced tomatoes (with juice) or two cups of fresh diced tomatoes
One medium yellow or white onion, diced
One medium jalapeno pepper--unseeded & finely minced
One tablespoon of honey (or sugar)
Three tablespoons of red wine vinegar
One lime, juiced + zested
Two cloves of garlic, grated
Two tablespoons of finely chopped cilantro
Two ribs of celery finely diced (optional)
Instructions
Mix ingredients together. Cover & refrigerate for at least two hours to let flavors meld.
Notes
If you use canned tomatoes, be sure to pick a good quality canned tomato. I've used both Hunts & Red Gold with success.
I've used different kinds of onion (e.g. Red, Yellow, White, etc...) in this recipe. So, I say just use what you have on hand! :)
Blissful Wife Blog http://www.blissfulwife.com/
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Filed Under: Uncategorized

Toasted Coconut Chess Pie

March 7, 2013 by · Leave a Comment

 

 

 

 

{Sings} I’m Making Pies… (In the Tune of Patty Griffin)

 

A few days ago, I baked a made-from-scratch P-I-E.

A month ago, I would have never attempted to make any sort of pie because I’m really not good at rolling out pastry. However, here recently…I’ve been on a dare devil culinary mission to try everything that I’m not great at preparing.

The first time that I ever made a pie, it was back in our apartment days. I didn’t really have that much counter space because I refused to store my pretty KitchenAid underneath the counter. Not that I had cabinet space anyway…

So, I assembled a chess pie on a wobbly stove top. I did a great job with the pastry considering the limitations of my workspace.

However, during the baking process, I can still remember the distinct smell of chess pie baking in the oven on that chilly day. I was one excited newlywed.

However, that night, I pleasured my husband’s sweet tooth with runny pie. For the life of me, I couldn’t get the center of that pie to set.

 

Needless to say, It wasn’t my finest culinary moment.

 

So, I told myself that I would never try this pie making business again. Pies are pretty cheap in the freezer section. Plus, I’m good at so many other aspects of cooking…Why worry about making pies? I will bake brownies if it’s not a holiday and call it a day!

But, I secretly wanted to make a pie. Nothing says Americana like a freshly baked pie.

Besides that, what self-respecting Southern woman can’t make a chess pie!?

 

 

Last year, I bought two books specifically about making Pies & Tarts. One was by Williams Sonoma, and the other by Martha Stewart. I highly recommend one by Martha Stewart. She teaches so much technique in the latter parts of the book. I found myself referencing the book during the pie crafting process.

Another great resource to have in the kitchen is Martha Stewart’s Baking Handbook. There is lots of info about pie making there.

 

As I perused the pages of my cookbook library, and while I sifted through the pages of the books that I mentioned above…I gained the confidence that I would overcome my fear of pie making. :)

However, it’s taken me a few months to muster up the courage to attempt crafting a pie…but, judging by the pictures below, I think I’ve got the knack of it.

 

    I LOVE This pie plate by Blessing Unlimited!   

 

These pie weights are SO cute!  

  Ready to bake!  

  Finished pie!    

 

 

And, my husband really enjoyed his chess pie! (I was one happy wife!)

 

 

Filed Under: Homekeeping

Buns in a Hurry: 40 Minute Hamburger Buns

March 6, 2013 by · Leave a Comment

 

 

Want dinner in a hurry?

Try these 40 Minute Hamburger Buns!

 

Tonight, I had to throw something together really fast. My husband has been working late this week, and I had no idea when he would get home. Tonight I really wanted to wait on him because I’ve missed him this week. He called me during his commute home, so I had about an hour…give or take…to fix a fantastic meal for him. 

 

As I pondered what to fix for supper, I knew I had everything to make burgers. I know my husband loves a good burger so it was a great fit.

However, after searching the pantry, I realized that I was fresh out of hamburger buns…

So, I decided to search the Google in hopes of a quick yeast bread recipe that I could turn into hamburger buns. Our old truck is in need of a new battery so I was hoping to find of solution to this lack-of-hamburger-bun problem so I didn’t have to direct my husband to the hamburger bun department after a LONG day at work..

I did some quick research, and found a recipe for 40 minute hamburger buns. Whew…

{Burger crisis averted!}

 

Since I’ve been experimenting with whole wheat flour, I decided to change up the recipe that I found for these 40 minute hamburger buns to make them a bit healthier. The following recipe was my final creation, and I have to say that they were lovely. I don’t think I’m ever going to buy store bought buns again!

 

 

 You can purchase this mini cake/hamburger bun pan from USA Pans on Amazon here. (this is one of my favorite pans, and all USA Pan products are TOTALLY  worth the investment…the best bakeware out there–100% non-stick without the chemicals + USA Pan products are made right here in the USA!)

 

 

What is REALLY wonderful about 40 minute hamburger buns is that you can fix your favorite burger, oven bake some steak fries, and have dinner on the table in less than 45 minutes! This is great for BUSY families.

 

 

Buns in a Hurry: 40 Minute Hamburger Buns
Yields 12
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Prep Time
20 min
Total Time
40 min
Prep Time
20 min
Total Time
40 min
Ingredients
2 tablespoons active dry yeast (or two packages of yeast)
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons warm water from tap (110° to 115°)
1/3 cup olive oil
1/4 cup honey (I buy local honey, but any honey will do.)
1 egg
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 ½ cups of whole wheat all-purpose flour
1 ½ to 2 cups cups all-purpose white flour
Instructions
In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Add oil and sugar; let stand for 5 minutes. Add the egg, salt and enough flour to form a soft dough.
Turn onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 3-5 minutes. You could also use your stand mixer. Do not let dough rise. Divide (pinch don't tear the yeast fibers) into 12 pieces; shape each into a ball. Place 3 in. apart on greased parchment-lined baking sheets.
Cover and let rest for 10 minutes (or longer to develop flavor).
Bake at 425° for 8-12 minutes or until golden brown. If you want to add toppings (like poppy seeds, dried onions, or sesame seeds) coat the buns with an egg wash, and add the toppings half-way through the baking process.
Remove buns from pans to wire racks to cool.
Adapted from Taste of Home
Adapted from Taste of Home
Blissful Wife Blog http://www.blissfulwife.com/
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Filed Under: Homekeeping

When I Heard About Jesus…

February 28, 2013 by · 3 Comments

 

 

 

 

 

 

 There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. -Maya Angelou

 

 

As we approach Easter season, I’ve been thinking of the goodness of God. And, what happened on the day that I heard about Jesus…

 

I have walked as a Christian since I was a child. But, at the time that I accepted Him, I hadn’t felt like a child in many years. I was 10 years old, going on 30. I don’t mean that in a “cute” way. You see, the enemy set me up for a different kind of life than God planned for me. Since my first memory, I carried more shame than my shoulders could carry. By the time that I accepted Jesus, I had lived beyond my years in a very dark, disturbing way that no child should have had to experience.

 

The enemy set me up for a different kind of life than God planned for me. Since my first memory, I carried more shame than my shoulders could carry.

 

I can remember sitting on the cold church pew in the scorching heat of July hearing the Gospel for the very first time. I was in awe that someone loved me that much that He took on the sins of the world…even my sins. I knew right away that I wanted to know Him. I wanted Him to be my Savior.

The lady who taught us the sinner’s prayer, she asked for the children that accepted Jesus that day to raise their hands to stay behind. After I raised my hand, she led all of the other children out of the sanctuary in a single-file line. I cried alone there in that that little sanctuary at that white country church. And, for the first time since I could remember, I had hope.

However, when the lady that taught me the sinner’s prayer came back, I knew I could never tell her the full story of just how I knew I was a sinner, and how desperate I was for Him to live in my heart. I’m not even sure what I said in response to the questions that she asked me. I just knew in that moment, my life changed forever. I would never again take another breath without Jesus…or hope.

But, the moment I was saved was also the time when the enemy started using silence to kill my testimony. I never told that lady that taught me the sinner’s prayer just what was going on in my life that made me crave the love of Jesus.  I didn’t have the emotional understanding or the vocabulary to verbalize what I was feeling. I just knew that Jesus lived in my heart, and life would never be the same.

While many people second guess the faith of a child so young, I can tell you that Jesus came into my life during that time because I was desperate for Him. I can’t tell you how many times that I’ve asked “why did you even want me?”. I just know that my heart was desperate for a love that only He could give. And, in His arms, I found hope.

Way back then, I knew that if I didn’t accept Him in that moment, then my chance at hope was gone. Looking back, had it not been for the hope I found in Him, I don’t even think I would be alive right now.

Filed Under: Bible Study

Recharging

February 22, 2013 by · 2 Comments

 

 

Whew, y’all!

I’m one blessed & happy girl. But, even in blessings…we have to get some REST!

News update: I joined the worship team at church. I’m adjusting to the new re-introduction to one of my gifts. But, this week I had to focus on adjusting.

 

On the downside, I’ve found myself needing to recharge. But, even that is a blessing because I’m drinking from the well of living water. :)

 

I’m actually going to start fresh next week with some great blog posts.

 

BTW..I love y’all like crazy!!

 

See you next week. :)

 

 

In His Love,

Filed Under: Life

Thriving During a Season of Financial Hardship

February 11, 2013 by · 4 Comments

 

 

 

 

 

If there ever was a gambling man, my father was one.

My father, Lord rest his soul, wasn’t much of a builder. He was a hard worker that worked until the day he died, but never really thought about tomorrow. Instead, he poured his money into a poker machine in Mississippi.

Thankfully, my father’s negative influence in my life set the tone for my marriage in a positive way as I grew to appreciate my husband.

 

Quickly, I learned…

My husband wasn’t my father.

In fact, my husband is the opposite of my father. I love my husband even more for not being like my daddy.

 

You see, my husband is a builder. He was raised not to gamble, but to live free from debt. He was raised to make conservative investments that pay off slowly instead of depending on luck to see him through.

 

My husband is a builder of financial security, and a provider that takes good care of his family.

 

But, early on in our marriage, I wasn’t a builder. Much like my father, I had to learn the hard way from my mistakes.

I didn’t think about saving for the future because nothing bad would happen to me.

 

Until it did.

 

 

Three months into the highest paying job I had ever taken, I was unexpectedly hospitalized for a month. While I was in the hospital, I resigned. After I was discharged from the hospital, I had three months worth of weekly medical appointments.

I spent most of the time worrying because I didn’t understand how we were going to live on a budget when I couldn’t work.

That’s when I had trade my worry for trust for the Lord. . .and my husband.

 

However, even though 2012 was full of financial challenges, my family thrived under the leadership of my husband’s skills.

 

Here are three ways that my family has been able to thrive in a difficult season:

 

1. We set a budget. I know this is a no brainier, but many people try to run their household without a budget. What has helped me embrace the idea of a budget is to think of your budget as an ongoing record of how your family will operate from now until the end of your life. With finances, it’s best to think with the end in mind. But, after you get the future into perspective, micromanage your life into months, or pay periods.

 

2. We learned our rights in our state concerning medical bills, and set monthly payments on medical bills we couldn’t immediately pay. While making small monthly payments on the larger bills, we paid off the smaller bills so that we felt we were making progress.

 

3. This happened prior to my illness, but we bought a house that we could afford on one income. I have learned that it is essential to not keep up with the Jones’ in this area. I don’t know if we could have made it if we would have purchased a more expensive home.

 

 

I know that times are tough since the economy doesn’t seem that it’ll ever pick up speed.

 

But, despite the trials that we face, I hope we all put on our hardhats, and learn to be builders!

Filed Under: Marriage, Saving, Uncategorized

Restoring Purpose

February 3, 2013 by · 1 Comment

 

 

This is a post that I wrote last year, but for some reason I didn’t post it.

I hope you all enjoy!

 

 

In His Love,


 

 

Restoring Purpose
We all have a purpose. After Rick Warren’s book, Purpose Driven Life, finding our purpose has become a slight bit cliché with in the Christian community. In essence, Finding our purpose almost seems too easy.

I beg to differ. Finding our purpose is one of the most vulnerable, telling endeavors that we will ever take. Most of the time, it is because God uses the very thing that we have carried around in shame to become a beacon of hope for the world around us.

I’ve spent many years seeking my purpose. However, over the past few months God’s message to me concerning my purpose here on earth has started to unravel before my very eyes. Still, there are times when I ignore my purpose because I just don’t want to go there! I pitch a good old fashioned hissy fit because to fulfill my calling would mean that I have to enter old wounds that have never quite healed….can you tell I’m a little avoidant where healing is concerned? (Give me an AMEN, sister if you’ve been there!)

On the flip side, there are times when I embrace my purpose, but never understand how God will heal & make use of my messy, complicated life.

I have found that we all have to experience the Refiner’s fire before our purpose can be fully  revealed for His glory. To be honest, the Refiner’s fire is not pretty. It’s messy, hot…it’s demanding. We have to deal with intense pressure to feel our God moulding us into pure beings that are purified in order to reflect His image throughout our lives.

In seeking out my purpose, I find that as soon as I get a revelation, a fresh Word from God…I hold back from receiving the gifts of His lavishness. I make excuses to excuse away his purpose for my life.

Why?

Because I haven’t experienced FULL freedom and healing that only Jesus can give.

I haven’t been healed? What was the point of that $15,000 dollar hospital stay and weekly therapy sessions? Not to mention all of the anti depressants that I choked back…

My healing was never spiritual. It was biological, earthly. It was healing made for my physical body that will die when I take my last breath. However, a FULL restoration never comes from the earthly realm of understanding, it always comes straight from the heavenlies and is a derivative of the Wisdom from God himself.

Why on earth do we think that something of the world will repair our soul and lead us closer to our calling?

In the end, finding our purpose has little to do with us, and everything to do with releasing our lives over to something more powerful.

I don’t know about you, girlfriend. But, I want to be SET FREE so I can live in the fullness of Christ Jesus. I want God to turn my junk to kingdom riches!!!

I want to be FULLY restored.

I want to reflect His image for the world to see.

I want to live out my purpose.

And, girlfriend, I want the very same for you!

 

 

Filed Under: Bible Study