This passage is in honor of child abuse awareness month. Please pray for healing for all who experience the tragedy of childhood abuse. Child abuse is a cultural epidemic with life-long consequences. Child Abuse more common that one could ever think, and happens in all socio-economic backgrounds. Keep your eyes open, and report it if you see it. Please contact your local authorities if you suspect child abuse or domestic violence.
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of overcoming it.” -Helen Keller
I was abused.
As a child, I had no vocabulary, or emotional understanding of what was going on in my environment. I was helpless, and secretive.
In fact, I never thought I would be anything but secretive.
My life was on track to becoming the best kept secret in the world. I went through my school years pretty much under the camouflage of not being noticed by many people. I didn’t want to get too close because people would notice that I was different, and ask me why. So, I stayed invisible. I put on a fake smile, and went about my life.
I didn’t really know who I was because I was afraid to learn more about myself in fear of what I would uncover. However, I did know that I was a horrible person because of all the secrets that I kept, and the lies that I told to keep them safe.
Healing doesn’t flourish in a world of secrets. However, I still kept secrets. This protected me from having to deal with the consequences of abuse. It kept me right where the abusers wanted me.
Eventually, secrets hurt me too much to keep locked inside. Secrets burned my bones, and I had to release them to heal.
Most of my life, I carried shameful secrets that were not mine to carry. I blamed myself for every abuse that happened, even if it wasn’t my fault. I felt so hopeless. I felt like I was a horrible person to cause such harm to my life. I felt that if I were a better person then these horrible things wouldn’t have happened to me. I felt as though I instigated the abuse, and my behavior caused me so much pain. I didn’t understand why my abusers kept hurting me when I was trying so hard not to make them hurt me. I didn’t realize that what they did had very little to do with me.
The only hope I had was Jesus, but I was even angry at Him for letting such bad things happen to me. He allowed my anger because He was my safe place. He knew I needed Him. So, instead of blaming the abusers, I would blame myself. Then, I would get so mad at Jesus I would wail in His arms while He comforted me. Jesus never let me down, even in my darkest moment. He was there for me. Even when I broke His heart. I can’t imagine how much pain I caused Him in my doubt, spirited anger, and pain. I’m thankful He never gave up on me. Oh, my friends…He is SO faithful. It brings chill bumps to think just how faithful.